awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
