you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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