Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
