I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
