Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
