At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
