is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
They are going to name an STD after you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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