look no pants
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
not ubering you a puppy
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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