we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
