So drunk its hurt
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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