I looked at my own cervix.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
