Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
