do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
