we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
