I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
