That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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