my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
