It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
