Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize