first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
