how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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