No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
