Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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