come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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