o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
