If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
