By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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