There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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