Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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