I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
