Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
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