Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
