what day is it and did you see me today?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
