Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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