Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
