Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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