he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
