Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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