I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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