So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
this boner is exhausting
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
