Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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