It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
