she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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