youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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