i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
