My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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