In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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