Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
