I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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