I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
