You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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