they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
