I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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