You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
