just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
only you would photoshop your dick
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
