it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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