i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
