if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
