Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
