jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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