Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
