Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
