I saw his package. It spoke to me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
