So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize