Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So much rum. So many feels.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
