Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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