Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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