remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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